Out of place

Out of place

So lately my mom has been a bit better. Until today. Today she attacked me. 

I went to take out the trash, but i looked in the trash to find all of our Ikea pots and pans that we bought last month in the trash. I don't understand my moms logic, but she told me that Ikea pots and pans are made for a specific type of stove, and that they are not made for our stove, because our stove is too old. I told her that that was ridiculous, and that i use the pots all the time on our stove and they are fine. So i took them out of the garbage and set them on the counter next to the sink. What i didn't know is that my mom had cleaned a space off where the dishes are supposed to go, for her coffee pot. the pans were not touching the coffee pot in any way. She yelled at me for putting the pans on the counter claiming that they were too dirty to be put there next to the cleaned space for her coffee pot. She asked me why i never listen to her, and why i don't obey what she does. I told her that the pots where perfectly fine, and that there was no reason whatsoever to throw them out, and i told her that i didn't know that she set up the coffee machine right next to the dishes, and i just put the pots there to wash later. It didn't matter what i said to her, because she doesn't care about what i have to say. she is always right no matter what. If i had put the pots in the sink, she would have gotten mad at me for putting them in the sink. She threw the pots back in the garbage, and took the garbage out. so now we have no pots or pans to cook anything with. 

Later, I went with my mom to pick up a prescription at rite aid drug store, and i was looking at chap-stick when my mom came up to me with an eyeliner pencil and asked if i could buy it for her. It was one of the more expensive roll up eyeliners instead of the pencil. I asked her why she needed it, and she said she has work in two days, and wants to look professional. when i asked why i cant buy her one of the 99 cent eyeliners, she said that her eyes are really sensitive and that she cant wear those kind. so i ended up buying her a 5 dollar eye liner roll up, and she already owes me like 55 bucks. And if i didn't buy it for her, she would have a hissy fit.

when i got home, i was eating a disgusting TV dinner that my mom bought for me, and she made me sit and eat it at the table with her... but she talks non-stop, and when i try to talk to her, i feel like she goes in wonderland and stops listening to me, and when i am done, she brings up a completely new topic from her life. so when i was done eating, i threw my tv dinner in the trash, and told her i was going into my room to relax. She didn't say anything in reply, so i went into my room and closed the door. About 5 minutes later, she opens my door holding the trash can and asked me why i put food in the trash when there wasn't a trash bag in it. I didn't know that there wasn't a trash bag in the garbage, and i saw other things in the trash when i threw my things in there, so i figured it was fine. I told her that i was sorry, and that i didn't know there wasn't a trash bag. She proceeded to chew me out more, and she told me that it is really disrespectful, and that i need to respect her more, and that it is really bitchy and rude to make her clean and that she has to do all the work all the time. she was screaming and screaming at me, and i kept on telling her in a calm voice, i am sorry, please stop yelling at me. Over and over, until i snapped, and a mean evil Amber came out. I yelled at her back to shut up. at that moment, i wanted to slap her, and slammed my door instead. I wanted to be left alone. I felt so hurt, and so manipulated, she kept on screaming at me through my barricaded door, telling me how worthless i am, and how i ruined her life by calling CPS on her. At that point i was sobbing in a corner. I yelled at her that i wanted to kill myself. I felt utterly defeated, like nothing i do will make my mom happy, like i am just a miserable failure misfit. She had no soft spot for me telling her i wanted to kill myself. she just continued to spit vile words into my ears through my door. If i had something to kill myself in my room, i would have grabbed it. My mom got what she wanted. She wanted to manipulate me, and make me feel like a misfit, that doesn't belong anywhere. The yelling finally stopped, and i herd her washing the garbage out in my bathroom tub, just to execute her point further. 

15 minutes later she pushes my door open, and says in the calmest voice "I seriously need you to think about living with your dad. I don't feel welcome here,  and the only reason i live in Kent is because of you, so that you can stay close to your boyfriend and school. But what is the point if you are turning everyone against me, and i cant even get the job i was trained for because of you. Your boyfriend and his mom hate my guts, and i need to know why you would call CPS on me."

I said nothing, and she left to go run "errands" 

I have school tomorrow, and i feel extremely depressed, and my eyes are puffy and red from crying. I guess i will just go to school in the morning, and ignore my mom as much as possible... although i doubt it will work since i live in the same place as her since i am a minor, and i don't have a job, or know how to live out on my own. 

wish me good luck, cause i tend to have bad luck with EVERYTHING